warmth and trying to be warmer
i have nothing too profound to say today, but i'm avoiding finishing an assignment, so i thought i would make another entry. things have been better lately. i've been noticing so many ways my effort in trying to change myself has been paying off. i feel it in the way i carry myself, the way i talk to people, everything – i have more of an instinct, albeit a tentative one, that i belong here.
today, i woke up early to volunteer – got rained on because i forgot to bring an umbrella, and it was pouring. there was someone getting trained for my role, and i ended up supervising them as usual. the last time someone new got trained on my shift, two weeks ago, she was really sweet and hugged me while i was at the bus stop. this time, the person called out, "thanks, heresy!" when we passed each other.
it feels so corny, but i've been thinking of that conor oberst quote, "i really just want to be a warm yellow light that pours over everyone i love." i've met a lot of people like that, who have or are actively going through a lot, but they always have time for you, are patient, listen to you, and validate you as you are. i really want to be that kind of person. i don't think i'll ever be an extrovert who thrives on meeting new people, but i think i can absolutely be warm, gentle, and positive. maybe i already am.