law school, impostor syndrome, and other problems of the privileged

22 Mar, 2026

i remembered this blog exists again, so time for another entry.

there are a lot of parts of preparing for law school i thought would be hard. job hunting. getting my driver's license. getting treatment for my mental health. working out, eating right... but i didn't expect that the hardest and most foundational work i would have to do would be the inner work. the emotional stuff.

my mentor once said to me that the greatest thing i will have to wrestle with in law school is, essentially, myself. my lack of confidence in my abilities, my tendency to reject myself before anyone else does. like the tide, i reliably retreat.

i realized recently that i genuinely didn't think i would get in. and that was, well, stupid of me, i guess. everyone i knew considered it a given. but predictably, in my determination to manage my expectations, i managed them so hard my expectations became unrealistically negative. only now, now that i've walked into the law library, met the club reps, and mingled with the other admitted students a little do i realize, holy shit, i did it. i'm doing it.

there is something incredibly electrifying about being in a room of smart, hungry people. i could get used to that feeling. and i have hopes of finding some real lasting friends when i get there. but the words law school feel heavy on my tongue. they make people uncomfortable, or make them say something like "fancy," or "you're so much smarter than me."¹ i feel that sense - that's probably shared by many other careers: doctors, lawyers, police officers, tradespeople, academics - of a growing body of shared experiences only a select few can relate to. a culture to adopt. it's cool. it's terrifying.

i still feel like a kid in so many ways - my naivety, my overall lack of life experience, my fixation on school, my lingering teenage insecurity, and my childish hunger for validation from people i respect. does that mean i can't do it? hell no. but it sure feels like it sometimes.

i'm slowly starting to accept that there's never going to be a point where i feel truly ready. the confidence comes from within. it has to.

you are the light

it's not on you, it's in you